Picking up where I left off yesterday, I’m now going to tell you what happened when I where my natural hair at work.
So I decided to wear my natural hair out out. Like really out, for the very first time. The night before, I did a twist out using my trusted aloe vera juice and some other products that I don’t remember (sorry). When I took them down the next morning I was this close to just pulling my hair back into a ol’ boring bun because I wanted something safe. I felt so apprehensive that it was ridiculous. What was wrong with me?
Why was I putting so much importance on this seemingly small “event”? So, I decided to suck it up and get over it and make it work. I am always unsure of how to separate my twists once I have unraveled them but I did the best I could and then I went to church and I actually felt good about it. I felt quite empowered and confident. This is what my twists looked like:
At the risk of sounding critical of myself, I know that this is not the best twist out in the world. I think it looks cute but it’s not just amazing. However, with the reaction I got from my friends at church, you would have thought it was. When one of my friends saw my hair, her eyes got big and she said in a sort of hushed, awed tone ” I love your hair”. Not even exaggerating.
Would I have been so apprehensive if I had so called “good hair”?
Then another one of my friends said that she didn’t know who I was from the back because of my hair and she was trying to figure out who that stylish woman was. Then I got a few more compliments. And then another person, asked me if I was going natural and she told me how much she loved my hair.
Who knew that I would get that kind of reaction just because I wore my natural hair in a cute but not incredible twist out? I certainly didn’t know and it was such a great feeling. I also got many compliments when I wore a twist out at work for the first time.
It makes me wonder why I was so freaked out in the first place. Did I not want to be the center of attention, if only ever so briefly? Or did I still have some deep seated issues about my hair that I wasn’t quite ready to admit yet? Would I have been so apprehensive if I had so called “good hair”? If I had 3a or 3b hair, would I have been so slow to wear my natural hair out? I’m just going to be completely honest with you….I probably would not have been. As much as I hate the term good hair, the years of indoctrination still burrow its way into my consciousness and cause me to have this internal battle that I would like to think I have done away with once and for all but I know that there is still a piece of me that struggles with that.
Don’t get me wrong. Before I transitioned, I knew what my hair was like. The years of dealing with it before my first relaxer is still fresh in my mind. But I knew it was the right thing for me to do and I felt and still feel liberated from it. I do not believe I will ever get a relaxer again or even flat iron my hair on any kind of regular basis.
Sometimes I get so frustrated with my hair that I throw things at the bathroom mirror
But it has not always been an easy road for me. I do not want to be all shiny happy and act like being natural is the most joyous thing ever. Sometimes I get so frustrated with my hair that I throw things at the bathroom mirror (usually just a bobby pin or a elastic but still lol) or I’ll mutter that I hate my hair. I can be a bit dramatic granted and I know I don’t really mean that I hate my hair but I sometimes want things from it that I know I’ll never get. And it gets on my nerves when I come to terms with that.
Do ya’ll ever feel like that about your hair whether it be natural or relaxed? Do you roll your eyes at your hair? Do you even do like me and throw things at the mirror? I would love to know how you feel about your hair, no holds barred and no judgments. Let me know in the comments below.
Perhaps downloading my free hair regimen guide would help you in your hair journey? It couldn’t hurt 🙂
Can’t wait to hear from you,